NOTE: The title of this article is a (possibly unclear) reference to the Citibank commercials with the European guy named Roman (you know... "Very, very, very rewarding!").

Alright, I've just about had it with my bank. I don't know if all banks are like mine, but I wouldn't be surprised if they were. Everything I have experienced with Sovereign Bank so far flies in the face of the fundamentals of "good business practice." I should have known... every good scam starts with putting lots of money down up front (in this case, opening an account and depositing your hard-earned funds).

If you're not privy as to the way banks operate, I'll give you a quick lesson in economics.

1) You deposit money into a savings account, checking account, or CD account because that's the capitalist thing to do... and we all know you pretty much can't do a damn thing without a bank account. (A bank loves its accounts most in this order: CD, savings account, checking account. A CD ensures that it can get the most use of your money [since you can't touch it for a pre-determined amount of time or else they charge you an exorbitant sum of money], a savings account is not drawn out of too much, and the bank makes most of its profit on checking accounts through overdraft fees and such, since checking accounts don't provide a great deal of security for them.)

2) Since the bank now has your money, it can now use it to do business with (ie: issue loans, lines of credit, etc.) and possibly screw over other people to get even more money through the wonders of debt and bankruptcy.

3) The bank makes its money, and there's a minor chance that you did (or at least managed to break even), too, so everybody is happy (in the eyes of the bank, at least)!

Now that we got all of the academic stuff out of the way (and hopefully adequately laid the mental foundation necessary to compare a bank to a scam), on to the fun part... hearing me bitch about my most recent negative experiences with my financial institution.

So I opened an account with Sovereign in the not so distant past (I mean, who can resist the perks such as free telephone banking, free online banking, and a shiny new Visa Check Card? Not me, for one...). Of course, no one said anything about any of this being easy or convenient, I just thought it was implied by the words "easy" and "convenient" and such in the complimentary bank literature (maybe I could even sue them if they said, "So easy, even a caveman could do it," but no such luck). When I was knee-deep in the telephone activation process for my debit card, I felt just like James Bond trying to crack codes and stuff, only I had the real codes instead of a fancy code-cracking device and they didn't even work. Then, as if that wasn't enough, I was directed to the modern version of the Spanish Inquisition (ie: customer service).

(Before I forget, I'd like to give credit where credit is due. This fine piece of writing was partially inspired by a LiveJournal entry by 'halomouse' I stumbled upon while entering the phrase "I hate Sovereign Bank" into Google to see if I had any brothers or sisters in frustration.)

By the time I got all that nonsense to function correctly, I was too pissed to even try any of the other complimentary features included with my account, so I was oblivious to the fact that I had only just begun to experience the hours upon hours of entertainment thoughtfully integrated into my new account. A few days later, I tried to open up my online banking account. They sent me my username and password in the mail, so I made the (seemingly brilliant, but obviously false, in hindsight) deduction that I could access my online banking account with this information. Boy, was I wrong! First, they told me to come back later because "we're noobs and our servers suck" (or something along those lines, I don't really care to remember the exact phrase). So like any normal human being, I came back later. Same thing, so I came back later (again). Only this time, the message about the servers was kindly replaced with "Your Internet Banking account is closed. Please contact our Customer Service area for more information."

And that, my friends, is when I declared aloud that "I've had it!" (probably with an expletive or two as well). So there you have it...

Discuss!

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I'm quite perturbed right now...




It seems that my favorite radio station of all time (97.5 The Hawk, WTHK Trenton/Philadelphia) has been treated like a mere token and was sold/traded to another broadcasting conglomerate, then immediately shut down. Right now 102.9 MGK is being simulcasted over the old Hawk frequency, but at 6:00 PM EST tonight that will change. My beloved classic rock station then becomes WJJZ, a "smooth jazz" (ie: Weather Channel/porn music) station.




The worst part is that they duped The Free Beer and Hot Wings Morning Show. I really do sympathize for them... that's just plain wrong to do that to such a fine group of gentlemen.




The part I really don't get is this: why a 'smooth jazz' station? Last time I checked, I never heard anyone groveling about the lack of a 'smooth jazz' station in this market. The Nassau Broadcasting Press Release on this matter downright pisses me off with it's BS. Here's a quote from the press release:




“With just two days until we launch Smooth Jazz WJJZ at its new address at 97.5, there's an incredible level of excitement in Philadelphia again,” said Michael Tozzi, WJJZ Program Director. “We can’t wait to get started.”




Alright, that does it... 'smooth jazz' does not bring "an incredible level of excitement" to a city of over 1.5 million people. The only things that do that are sports championships.

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OK, so I welcomed myself back? What kind of self-centered moron would do that? The kind that was disconnected from the real world for over a year and thus was unable to visit NuTang. But anyway, enough of the sentimental crap. I'm back and you'd best be liking it.



Well, what else? Alright, guess I'll fill you in on what my life looks like now. I'm living out of my parents house a few towns away now, renting a room from someone. It's a pretty nice setup, but I'll be relocating to the Rochester Institute of Technology (known from now on as 'RIT' because the name is ridiculously tedious to type/say every time) next month. I'm really excited to start college and think that I will adapt right away because I've had a lot of experience living away from home for extended periods of time. It was my first choice college and the only one I applied to, so I guess I'm just a pimp that way.



Well, I guess that's about all for now. I'm really hungry and am going to consult with my personal chef. Chef, you ask? Why, of course... if you're rich and famous, you most definitely have a chef.



"I'm not rich and famous, but I pretend to be...
That's why I use... Chef Boyardee!"

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